Pirates Ho! Hear, O ye landlubbers: heed their dev'lish cry: SURRENDER THE BOOTY! Pirates! Sickness! Random Thoughts and More!

Well, this weekend was the big day - the long awaited voyage to the one and only (okay, true, there's another one in Orlando), the dinner-theater phenomena known only as Pirate's Dinner Adventure! Well, a good time was had by all, but it was a miracle I even made it there in the first place. Because Thursday, I got sick. Really bad.

I think it started on Wednesday night, where of all things, it was my laundry that killed me. I should have simply called it a night, as things at work had been taking a toll on me, but no, I insisted that I must have clean clothes for the week ahead. So I did my laundry, but then I had one of those annoying episodes where I lie down for a quick breather, next thing I know I'm fast asleep in my jeans. So I wake up at like 1 am, realizing that my clothes were still lying wet in the laundry room. So I force myself up, put 'em in the dryer, wait for them to be done, and then of course I'm overtired and can't fall back asleep. So I can't really be sure, as I think this is when the fever began to take hold, but I may have gone to work the next day with as little as four or so hours of sleep in me. And oddly, I felt fine in the early morning, and never considered not going to work. But as soon as I got there, oh man, I was fried. I had chills shooting up and down, headache from hell, and thought I might lose my lunch (um, yesterday's lunch), at any moment. Pleasent, I know. So I really tried to tough it out, but by about 1 pm I literally thought I was about to pass out. I drove home and got into bed, and was DONE. I mean, for the next 24 hours, I felt worse than I had in years. I just felt so weak and feverish, I could barely even process rational thought. I was slipping in and out of these weird dreams involving geometrical shapes and some vague notion of being stuck in a multi-dimensional game of Tetris (analyze that one, folks). I mean, wow, I was just done. This purgatory-like state of fever-dreaming and immobility continued until late Friday, when I willed myself out to pick up some essential supplies, including Chicken Soup - my own personal mana from heaven. All the while, I was just hoping and praying that I'd feel better for Saturday and Pirate's.

I basically just did a lot of reading, watched some comfort TV (Step by Step, episode where Dana has to psychoanalyze Cody for school), caught up on a little Resident Evil 4 ... but otherwise I was just out of it, in and out of sleep, confined to my bed. By Saturday morning I looked like a refugee from LOST, unshowered, unshaven, and dazed, like I had just woken up from a two day nightmare. Luckily, my fever had begun to break, and by Saturday evening I was more or less ready to go, thank the heathen Pirate gods. And I guess that the combo of having been confined to bed for two days and being so isolated from all civilization at work lately made me ready and raring to go to set sail for some plundering, pillaging and Pirates. But for those who were with me, don't let whatever energy I had Sat. night fool you - from Thursday morning to Saturday morning ... well, let's just say it was not a very fun time.

But anyways, enough about that unpleasant episode, what about ...

PIRATE'S DINNER ADVENTURE:

So after much last minute preparation, I downed some chicken soup, some advil, and some Pepsi, and set off with Scott "Sometimes-BlackBeard" Carter, Liz "Wench-In-Training" Liggett, and Brian "Yo (what up?) Ho' " Grabow to CA's own version of Orlando, Florida, where clustered together one finds all manner of over-the-top attractions, from Disneyland to Knott's Berry Farm to Medieval Times, and of course, Pirate's Dinner Adventure. In short, a little, very cheesy, slice of heaven, for those of us who are so inclined. We drove up to the faux Spanish stronghold that was our destination, donned our souvenier bandanas, and then, souvenier goblets in hand, we headed into the galleon for a night of pirates, wenches, buccaneers, a feast worthy of a a Captain, and, and ...

...

... off-broadway musical-style song and dance numbers? Yep, Pirate's Dinner Adventure has it's share of duels, fistfights, and feats of skill, but the bulk of it is guys in unbuttoned shirts singing kid-friendly songs, the most memorable of which was the not-quite-original campfire classic : "What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor?" -- yep, this was "Camelot" with pirates, as produced by Cinemax, music composed by Raffi. Basically, as we enjoyed our Pirate's Feast, our gang of scurvy sea-dogs laughed and rooted for our section's own Pirate of choice, the Blue Pirate Benjamin, who was quite prominent whenever there was singing or music-making to be had, but clung to the shadows whenever there was violence afoot. Of course, our section got the wussiest pirate ever, with about the worst pirate name ever -- Benjamin ... yeah, that one's gonna inspire fear in the locals when the ship comes a-pillagin'. "Oh my god everyone, run away, BENJAMIN is here! And he's brought his dastardly friends, ROBERT and MILTON!" Actually, it turned out that our section's own Benjamin was like the hero of the whole big Pirate musical-shindig (not that any of had any real clue what was going on), and by the end of the thing I'll admit that he kicked his share of ass, fake stage-fightin' style. Still, he looked like some guy who was like an extra in Cats and then did this when that show eneded it's run, or something.

Still, we had an excellent time, and even if we had no friggin' idea what was going in in the "story" most of the time, we still yelled and cheered and made merry (whatever that means). My impression is that this was a lot more fruity than Medieval Times, and also more kid-friendly (mostly just because kids were included in many of the "interactive" portions of the show). I mean, at Medieval Times you can tell that it's actually pretty hardcore in terms of being all about reflecting actual medieval times. Here, they kinda played fast and loose with the whole pirate thing (ie, Pirates making reference to Mr. Roboto, playing, of all things, YMCA to end the show ... weird, I know). While Medieval featured authentic medieval weapons, jousting, lack of eating utensils, etc, Pirates didn't quite have the same commitment to authenticity (and yet, both venues inexplicably become makeshift all-ages dance clubs after the main show is done ...).

Anyways, I came away convinced that not only is the opportunity ripe to tune up Pirates to make it an even more (pirate) booty-licious experience, but there is nearly unlimited potential to open up other themed dining adventures. Picture it: Homer's Greek Dinner Odyssey - a truly epic experience. The Haunted Mansion Mystery Dinner - where the ghouls are dying to serve you. Super-Awesome-Shoryuken Ninja Dinner X-Perience. Outer Space Outpost. Samurai Sizzler. Rainforest Cafe, dammit all. Oh, wait ...

Oh, one more thing, as I mentally prepared myself in the morning for the Pirate experience, I listened to such classic songs of the sea as "A Pirate's Life For Me," And "Friggin' In The Riggin," (on second thought, not quite sure WHAT that one's about ...). But anyways, I was dying to walk into Pirate's and hear some classic, epic pirate music that would put me in the mood for plunderin' and privateering. But no, the music of choice sounded like a wannabe version of Rent, sung by Pirates. Highly questionable.

In any case, like I said - great time was had by all. I was definitely happy that I was there for a much-needed escape. From the crazy, quasi-interactive "challenges", to the hearty meal - we came, we saw, we walked the plank - and a true pirate adventure was had by wench and buccaneer alike. Yo ho!

NBA THOUGHTS:

On another note, I really enjoyed the Lakers vs. Sonics game today on ABC, but it reminded me of so many things that are wrong with the NBA today. Unfortunately, these aren't things that can be easily fixed. But there is just such a marked difference between today, when the NBA's best and brightest are wallowing in the shadow of underperforming teams, as opposed to the glory years when the Best fought the Best on the biggest stage of all. Take Ray Allen for example - unquestionably one of the best talents in the NBA today. He makes everything look easy, and he's a classic shooter on par with the greats like Bird and Miller. And yet he's stuck on a Seattle franchise that is absolutely going nowhere with its current roster. Now, you might argue that Allen should be able to elevate his team to greatness, as others like Jordan and Miller did. But let's be realistic - Michael Jordan played on some incredibly well-rounded teams, and whenever he was successful in the playoffs he had a near all-star cast around him, whether it was Pippen, Kukoc, or great supporting players like BJ Armstrong or John Paxson who were true winners. Now you have great players like Ray Allen, Allen Iverson, Vince Carter, Kevin Garnett, and more playing on crappy teams that keep them out of the spotlight. And even some of the big superstars like Kobe, Lebron, and Tracy McGrady are fighting simply to make the playoffs and make any sort of championship push. And yet, perpetually good yet consistently boring teams like the Spurs and Pistons continue to utterly dominate the league. Who else wishes that the big stars were once again on the big teams? The league is now so watered down that the people who should be the next breakout talents are wasting away in obscurity. Back in the day you had one or two amazing players, like say Dominique Wilkins, who never quite got the spotlight that their talent deserved. Now, popularity is by necessity not equated with winning, as all of the most charismatic, exciting players seem to be lagging in their careers. The NBA needs to eliminate some teams and distribute its talent a bit better, because we as NBA fans can only take so many more San Antonio vs. Detroit matchups before we say forgettaboutit.

Rant Over.

Quick TV Reviews:

Not much in the way of new stuff lately. Veronica Mars finally returns this week, and the countdown to Prisonbreak Season 1.5 is on. But for now ...

Sons and Daughters: Whoah, what happened? I'm not sure what's up here, but I found the pilot to Sons and Daughters hilarious when I saw it this past summer at NBC's LA Screenings. I believe it was reshot since then, but in any case, this past week I found the hour-long premiere of this much-anticipated show to be just, well, pretty boring. I had a memory of a pilot that was like Step By Step meets Arrested Development, with a host of hilarious one-liners and smart, improvisational humor. Well, that memory was mostly overwritten by the reality of a show that was like one really long SNL sketch that was never that funny in the first place. I found a lot of the characters unlikable this second time around, and just didn't quite get it. Weird, I have no idea what happened. I'll probably give this another try just to see what's up, but I have to say the while the show is worth checking out, it's going to need a lot more work than I thought to develop into something special. My grade: C

OC: You know what? I didn't watch or even record the new episode of the OC for the first time in a while, and I have to say that I don't really regret it. This show is just plain sad lately.

The Simpsons: And we have 2 very good episodes in a row! A fun story structure and a clever plot made for an entertaining episode. The story-within a story-within a story thing was a cool gimmick that actually tied together pretty well, and there was some pretty good humor in there too, though not much really side-splittlingly funny or anything. The last two weeks have felt more like vintage Simpsons episodes than anything they've done in a while. My grade: B+

Family Guy: Oh man, whatever was in the air tonight, I was rolling in laughter at tonight's episode. The plot was almost an afterthought here (Quagmire gets married!), but the cutaways and the Stewie subplot consistently cracked me up. I loved the spaceship rollercoaster cutaway. Peter on Wheel of Fortune was hilarious, and there was lots of other really funny stuff, including a very funny dig at NBC and Joey, courtesy of Adam Corrolla as Death. My grade: A -

Conan O'Brien Goes to Finland: While this wasn't as laugh out loud funny as I had anticipated, I wstill would easily call it a GREAT show. It was funny, interesting, smart - all things you'd expect from the king of Late Night. But hey, you know what? It was actually a very cool, almost heartwarming hour of TV that left the viewer with good vibes and a feeling that Americans can actually still go to other countries and spread goodwill rather than negativity. But yeah, many portions of this special were pretty hilarious, in that crazy, Mad Magazine meets Harvard Lampoon way that only Conan can really tap into. Fagerstrom = hilarious! Conan's reindeer dance was gold, and his phone conversation with a random friend's estranged best friend was both hilarious and a nice moment. Conan on various Finnish TV shows was just awesome, the best being the weirdo 80's new-wave-looking guy and the two evil kids who asked questiosn like "in America, does one have to be a funny-looking old man to have his own talk show?" Bwahaha - good stuff. Conan rocks, and this is why. One of those eps where I'm proud to say that I worked for the guy. My grade: A

RANDOM STUFF:

- One and only one good thing about staying home sick - I remembered how enjoyable it is to actually sit down and read for more than a few minutes before going to sleep.

- Next week: Has it been a year already? I guess so, as me and my fellow geeks now privy to Page alumni status once again go to Wizard World LA! Can't wait. Will Kevin Smith once again regale us with his perverse tales of he and his hetrosexual lifemate Jason Mewes? Will we once again behold exclusive trailers to much-anticipated movies? Will we once again run off with armfuls of free schwag and overly expensive signed goods? I hope so! Plus, it promises to be the geek weekend from heaven as V FOR VENDETTA finally comes out! Remember, remember, the 5th of November. Okay, so now it's mid-march, but who's counting? Bring it!

- Post-Aerosmith II, I am now in search of the next big concert event. Suggestions? On my list of still-performing bands that I must see but never have: AC/DC, Metallica, Rush, Def Leppard, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters, White Stripes, The Darkness, The Donnas, The Offspring, Alice Cooper, and, hmm ... lots more.

- I finally made the plunge and got a digital camera. I have to say I still don't like digital photos - they are just way too ... digital. Who wants to see someone's every pore when looking at a photo? Not me. That being said, I've been playing around with my new camera a lot and trying to figure out how to get the best usage from it ... I do love new toys. Om the downside, my pics from Pirate's, my inaugural digital-camera-equipped event, came out pretty poorly. Not sure why, but an investigation is underway. Also, I think that this may be a revelation: you don't want your picture taken by someone too much shorter than you - makes for bad angles, ya know?

- At work I've had a chance to listen to The Ricky Gervais Show podcasts, and yes, they are amazing and hilarious. Where else can you hear a bunch of mad Brits debating the merits of everything from Time Travel to animals' intellects to dating? Seriously, listen to these 12 radio shows - they are yet more comedic brilliance from Ricky Gervais and friends.

- Last week I wsa doign some clothes shopping and accidentally bought a pair of those Levis jeans with no zipper but just like three buttons for the fly. Okay, I know I may be a little late to the party in asking this, but who in the blue hell wants this type of jean? Give me a good old fashioned zipper fly any day of the week.

- I think the lesson learned from my potentially laundry-induced bout of super-flu this weekend is: laundry is evil. A necessary evil, yes, but one of life's evils nonetheless.

- I went to Wendy's today for the first time in a long time. Ideally, in a perfect world, such amazingly tasty items as Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwiches would be fat free and nutritious, but alas, they are basically insta-heart attacks, and thus most trips to Wendys nowadays leave me disappointed and torn because all I really want from there is a Spicy Chicken Sandwich. So I go to Wendys today on a whim, determined not to order anything unless I could be reasonably health-concious about it. And lo and behold, I am probably like the last person to hop on the bandwagon, but Wendys is now a virtual mecca of healthiness. I had a quite satisfactory grilled chicken combo, that included a side salad rather than fries. And the menu included things like mandarin oranges and a bunch of other healthy crap. So sure, I threw in a small Frostie for good measure, but overall I was quite happy that my trip to Wendys yielded a meal both reasonably healthy and reasonably delicious.

- Flashbacks to a long-past and disasterous childhood trip to the now-infamous IHOP ( I think it was) in Cape Cod, MA, when today I thought that I happened to be in the same Target as Liz, when in fact we were in separate Targets. I knew something was off when, on the phone, we both claimed to be standing in front of Customer Service, and yet neither of us could see the other. And hilarity ensued ...

- Oh yeah I saw that new shoe Losin' It on FOX tonight also. Kinda funny, but just too all over the place and the side characters weren't really that endearing. It felt like a bunch of forty year old guys were trying unsuccesfully to write about life for current young post college kids, and the best friend was like out of some bad 80's sitcom, mullet and all. Has some potential though. My grade: B-

- How badly do I wish that more people would move into the empty 7th floor where I work. At this point I'll take anyone. Well, almost anyone ...

- 24 Tommorow! Who will die? Tony or Audrey? Intensity! Jack! Robocop! Gravitas!

- Alright, that's all for tonight. I've given you all I have, people! And what do you give back? 8,000 + hits and counting baby. Sure, that's miniscule compared to the Googles and Myspaces of the world, but who else from Bloomfield CT has this many hits? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought.

-So goodnight Pirates and Wenches! Surrender your booty, board the ship, and set sail for the spot marked by an X, because there, treasure there be!