GRUDGE MATCH Doesn't Rage Or Rock, But It Does Put On a Good Show

GRUDGE MATCH Review:

- Thankfully, GRUDGE MATCH doesn't take itself too seriously. It's very much in on the joke that, here in 2013, Stallone vs. De Niro is not the dream match-up that it once was. What makes the movie work is that it's a breezy sports comedy about two way-past-their-prime ex-boxers who never had their tie-breaking fight, and have a score that's been left unsettled for thirty years. This is a light, fluffy, feel-good crowd-pleaser. It's not going to win any awards - it's a far cry from Raging Bull and a long way from Rocky - but this is a movie that's highly watchable and overall, lots of fun.

Stallone does not play Rocky Balboa, and De Niro does not play Jake LaMotta, but GRUDGE MATCH clearly plays off the iconography of the two actors' famous roles. In this movie, the two are former champions who had a bitter rivalry - De Niro won their first fight, while Stallone won their second - that never got a real resolution. For reasons that remained a mystery to the public, Stallone's character dropped out before the decisive third bout could take place. As we learn, there's more to the rivalry than simply the in-ring competition, and there were personal motivations that kept Stallone from having that third contest. As the years went on, Stallone loses most of his money and settles into a blue-collar life, working a factory job and taking up an art hobby. De Niro owns a car dealership and a bar, and while he's more financially successful, his life is more of a wreck. He's a drinker and a gambler, and has not aged gracefully. Decades after their last fight, however, the two cross paths once more thanks to a hustling promoter - played by Kevin Hart - trying to make a name for himself. Hart helps sign both boxers to a contract to have themselves motion-captured for an upcoming videogame. But when the two come into contact, old hatreds reignite, and the two get involved in a knock-down, drag-out brawl in the studio. The fight gets captured on cell phone cameras and becomes a YouTube sensation. Suddenly, there is interest from fight fans in seeing - finally - that fabled, never-happened third fight grudge match between the two rivals.

Stallone and De Niro are both in ham mode here, but ... there are glimpses of them - flashbacks, if you will - at their Oscar-worthy best. There's not the kind of intensity or high drama that you'd find in a Rocky film here, but look, these are two of the greatest movie stars of all time squaring off. There's still some juice left in both Stallone and De Niro, and both have enough charisma to sleepwalk through a scene and still make it interesting. Not that they're sleepwalking. Sure, Stallone is playing a more homogenized version of his usual brooding strong-and-silent persona, but it's a nice contrast to De Niro here, who has a certain, undeniably youthful spark in his eye and bounce in his step. De Niro is perhaps the true surprise here, because though he looks old and flabby in comparison to the still-jacked Stallone, he makes up for it by bringing some humor and heart to the table. Just as we see glimpses in his character of the champ he once was, so too do we see some glimpses in De Niro of the kind of powerhouse, Oscar-worthy fire that made him incendiary in films like Raging Bull.

Actually though, the true MVP of the film may be Alan Arkin, as Stallone's old trainer who's brought out of the nursing home and back into the fray to once again train his former student. The fact is that a lot of Arkin's lines - and a lot of the script in general - are cheesy and hamfisted. But Arkin sells them with such a sense of good-natured mischief and understated zing that they draw big laughs anyways. Like Stallone and De Niro, Arkin can do this sort of crotchety sourpuss role in his sleep - but the guy is simply the best in the biz, so he makes it work. The Walking Dead's Jon Bernthal, meanwhile, is also quite good as De Niro's estranged son. There's an obvious physical resemblance, but beyond that, the two have a nice chemistry. Adding additional humor to the proceedings is Camden Gray as Bernthal's son (and De Niro's grandson) - a precocious eight year old who, quite amusingly, overhears a lot of child-inappropriate banter from his boozing, womanizing grandfather.

Less great is Kim Basinger as the woman who, long ago, came between Stallone and De Niro. It's always nice to see Basinger pop up, but she seems sort of out-of-it in this one, and her relationship with both leads feels a little half-hearted. I'm also of mixed minds about Kevin Hart here - Hart is occasionally legitimately funny, but a lot of times he seems to cover for lame dialogue by just yelling and gesticulating a lot. He definitely brings some needed energy to the film though, and he's got an especially fun chemistry with Arkin whenever the two get a chance to go at it.

Overall, I think the biggest knock against this film is that we've seen this story done much better and more dramatically, as recently as in Stallone's own ROCKY BALBOA. We've seen better training montages, we've seen better big speeches about needing one more shot, and we've seen better from both Stallone and De Niro. There is, overall, a sort of low-stakes feel to this movie that works alright, but that makes the big, climactic fight less epic drama and more amusing curiosity.

The script and dialogue, meanwhile, is cutesy and full of lines that are groaners. We get a lot of old-guy jokes about Stallone and De Niro not knowing from iPads, viral videos, or cell phone cameras. We also get some cringe-worthy, non-PC jokes that movies in 2013 just shouldn't have, and that feel out-of-place in what is, mostly, a more family-friendly film.

But mostly, GRUDGE MATCH is a fun, light, entertaining flick that, like its stars, has a bit of a retro feel. But while De Niro's heyday was the 70's, when maverick movies challenged audiences, and Stallone's was the 80's, when ultra-violent actionfests ruled cinemas, Grudge Match feels like a 90's throwback - the kind of ready-for-cable, goes-down-easy schmaltz that will find a long and oft-repeated shelf life on TNT or Spike TV. That means that, no, this movie isn't even in the same weight class as its stars' best films - but, it is the perfect sort of movie for a lazy Sunday afternoon. And really, what more does one need from Grudge Match?

My Grade: B

BULLET TO THE HEAD Hits Hard

BULLET TO THE HEAD Review:

- Bullet to the Head probably could not have been released at a worse time. It's a violent, dark action film that's a throwback to the 80's when these sorts of grimy, un-PC splatterfests were the norm at the cinema, often starring Sylvester Stallone, and often directed by guys like Walter Hill, who returns from a lengthy hiatus to helm this one. In the wake of serious questions about violence in the entertainment industry, it's no wonder that an old-school shoot-'em-up titled Bullet to the Head bombed at the box-office. To that end, there's a whole generation that frowns upon the old-school, testosterone-driven style of filmmaking that is the bread and butter of guys like Stallone. Coming hot off the heels of Arnold Schwarzenegger's The Last Stand biting the box-office dust, it is no surprise that the darker, grittier Bullet to the Head also tanked badly. Still, if you're an old-school action fan, I think the film is worth a look. It's not a genius movie by any means, but I found it a refreshing throwback that oozed Walter Hill's trademark neo-noir atmosphere. This is the kind of R-rated forbidden fruit that kids of the 80's will be able to appreciate - the kind of no-holds-barred badassery that you rarely see anymore.

Again, that's not to say that Bullet to the Head is a fantastic film. It suffers from a very uneven script that lacks the kind of wit and cleverness that could have made this one truly memorable. Hill does his best to polish things up with some decent one-liners, some hard-hitting narration from Stallone's world-weary hitman character, and some atmospheric direction that recalls classic 80's action. But it's not quite enough to ensure that the film 100% clicks. A lot of it is the script, which falls flat in places (for every decent zinger, there are probably two clunkers), and never really finds its through-line. Essentially, this is the story of a hard-boiled hitman (Stallone), forced to team with a dogged but fresh-faced cop (Sung Kang), to take down a cabal of corrupt businessmen. The recurring theme is that both Stallone and Kang have their own moral codes that come into conflict, but they've got to find a middle ground in order to work together. To that end, there's an urban Western-ish vibe to the film ... something that is definitely familiar ground to Hill, best known for films like The Warriors and The Driver. But nothing really clever or novel is done with the premise - with the rift between the two characters - except to emphasize that it exists. Kang also doesn't have any particularly great chemistry with Stallone, and you do wonder if the overall movie might have been elevated with a stronger presence in that role. It's not 100% his fault though ... some of the weakest moments of the film are those in which Kang is supposed to look like this new-school techie just because he (wait for it) uses his smart phone to look up information (made more amusing by the fact that his smart phone is a clunky-looking Blackberry). They could have found more novel ways to play up the differences between Kang and Stallone ... that's for sure.

To that end, an overarching issue is that too many of the film's characters are just utterly generic. Sure, on one level it's fun to see Jason Mamoa (Game of Thrones, Conan) playing a sadistic heavy, or Christian Slater as a drugged-out corporate sleazebag, or Sarah Shahi (Fairly Legal) as Stallone's tattoo-artist daughter ... but you also wish there was at least a little more meat to these characters - something to make them pop. The converse of that, of course, is that the movie is quite well cast, and like I said, it's fun just seeing underutilized actors like Mamoa and Slater and the sultry Shahi in the film. There's even a decent cameo from Holt McCallany, the star of the much-missed cable drama Lights Out.

As for Stallone, he's in fine form here. Sure, he looks a little strange - his face now an odd mesh of grizzled middle age and plastic-y smoothness ... but hey, there are few action icons more charismatic or great at playing the badass than Sly. And it's great to see him in such a dark, hard-boiled role - something we haven't seen him do in quite a while. Stallone puts a lot into this one - and mixes up the character's stoicism with moments of rage, sadness, and sardonic humor.

And then there's Hill. I love the starkness, the coldness, the steely, urban jungle sort of vibe that Hill brings to the film. There's a great economy of storytelling that many other directors could learn from. And ... when the action does ramp up, it's brutal and hard-hitting. That axe-fight teased in the trailers, between Sly and Mamoa? It's even more kickass in the film than I hoped.

I'll also give a special shout-out to the film's score -a great blues/rock medley that screams "old-school action," reminding me of classics like They Live and Hill's own The Warriors. Again, the movie never lacks for atmosphere - it looks, feels, and bleeds badassery on a visual and sonic level.

For me, BULLET TO THE HEAD was an enjoyable film, and a nice reminder of the days when R-rated action flicks from guys like Hill, Carpenter, and others delivered low-budget - but uniquely memorable - thrills. This is not one for the weak of heart. This is old-school. And yeah, the movie has its share of issues ... but sometimes - especially in this world of ultra-slick, decidedly nonthreatening blockbusters - something a little unpolished, a little clunky, a little ugly, a little rough around the edges, a little unsettling ... is just what the doctor ordered.

My Grade: B

THE EXPENDABLES 2: Stallone and Co. Are Back, and This Time ... It's Personal!

THE EXPENDABLES 2 Review:

- Rarely have I felt more deflated after exiting a movie than after seeing the first Expendables. I was hugely hyped for it, and with good reason. It was an all-star assemblage of some of the greatest badasses in cinematic history. It came on the coattails of Stallone's one-two punch of a comeback - the surprisingly great Rocky Balboa and Rambo. And yet, The Expendables was a letdown - instead of embracing its old-school roots, it tried to be all nu-metal and cool and whatnot. There was quick-cutting and shakycam galore, with action that rarely satisfied. The tone was all-over-the-place (Mickey Rourke seemed to think he was in another movie entirely), and the plot instantly forgettable. That said, what fanboy in their right mind wasn't *still* primed and ready for a Part 2? I mean, the mere concept of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Van Damme, Norris, et. all together in one orgiastic bloodbath on a level not seen since the heyday of 80's action cinema? Hells to the yeah. So, the bad news is that The Expendables 2 is still sort of a dumb movie. But the good news is ... it's gloriously dumb in a way that makes it incredibly entertaining. The Expendables 2 is not good enough to stand side by side with the best action flicks from back in the day ... but it is more than enough to have fans of those movies smiling stupidly with nostalgia-fueled glee.

The main thing you need to know about the plot of The Expendables 2 is that Stallone's Barney Ross is back, along with Statham's Lee Christmas - and most of the rest of the original film's team of adrenaline-juiced meatheads ("Stone Cold" Steve Austin is, sadly, MIA). So yep, Dolph, Couture, Crews, and Jet Li are all back (though Li kicks unholy ass for like five minutes, then promptly and inexplicably leaves the movie). They're also joined by a young, ex-military sniper, Bill The Kid, played with starry-eyed, baby-faced boyishness by Liam Hemsworth - a stark contrast to the grizzled badasses surrounding him. In any case, after a harrowing mission to rescue a captured Trench (the Governator himself) Ross is contemplating calling it quits on the mercenary biz - and young Bill is thinking of doing the same. But then along comes Bruce Willis' Church - who is apparently some sort of government agent dude - who recruits The Expendables for one mo' mission. Church introduces the team to the slinky-yet-deadly Maggie (Nan Yu), who has the know-how to open a high-tech safe that's carrying a nuclear trigger device. If the device were to get into the wrong hands ... well, you know. In this case, the wrong hands are those of the absurdly (awesomely?) named Vilain (get it?), played with arrogant aplomb by the Muscles from Brussels, Jean-Claude Van Damme. Also, at some point Chuck Norris drops in as Booker, aka "The Lone Wolf." Yep, it's action-star overload to the nth degree.

Director Simon West makes this one much more entertaining that Part 1, by imbuing it with the sort of B-action movie sensibilities he brought to films like Con-Air. West keeps things feeling mostly old-school, and gets rid of the chopped-to-bits editing style of the first film. To that end, EX2 has some genuinely badass action scenes - from Jet Li's anything-goes ass-whupping toward the beginning of the film, to Jason Statham's videogame-esque knife-fight, to a suitably epic Stallone vs. Van Damme showdown which serves as the film's climax. And, praise the action-movie-gods, the film ends up being a pretty hard R - so there's plenty of blood, gore, and dudes being tossed into spinning propellers. Not to sound masochistic or anything, but I'm glad that this movie ended up feeling like The Expendables and not the Power Rangers.

Now, what deflates the movie is the mostly-terrible script. For one thing, the dialogue is atrocius, with most of the chuckle-worthy humor being of the unintentional variety (but not to worry, between the uniformly wackjob line deliveries of Schwarzenegger and Norris, there is plenty of hilarious, unintentional humor). I mean, come on ... all you really need in this sort of movie are great one-liners - both of the badass variety and the funny variety (or both). But this movie mostly fails at that, delivering some true clunkers that, surely, did not even sound good on paper (worst offender: Van Damme: "Man up!", Stallone's retort: "I'll man you up!"). The writers should be sentanced to a week of watching great 80's action movies like Predator to bone up on their action dialogue. Meanwhile, the actual plot is pretty threadbare, with only the vaguest notions of character. Again, do I need that much character-depth from a movie like this? Nope. But it would be nice to have some character motivations. Mainly, the through-line is Stallone and Hemsworth's questioning of the life they have chose. But Jason Statham? His main arc is how his girlfriend (Charisma Carpenter) has him by the balls.

The other main problem - and this is partly the script, and partly the direction - is that the tone of the movie is so all-over-the-place. Overall, the jokey, campy tone is a much better fit than the would-be seriousness of the first movie. Still, EX2 can deviate a lot from what works best. On one end of the spectrum, you've got overly-emo scenes, like a funeral scene that's heavy on melodramatic brooding, or a sort-of romance between Stallone and Nan Yu that completely fizzles. On the other end of the spectrum, the movie goes a little too cartoony with its winks and nudges. How many times in one movie does Ah-nold need to utter "I'm back" ...? And do we really need the theme from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" to play whenever Chuck Norris shows up, suddenly making it feel like we're watching live-action Looney Tunes? Meanwhile, you have to cringe at some of the stuff in the movie that would have felt dated even in the 80's. Like when Willis tells Stallone that this agent Maggie will be joining his team, and Stallone exclaims "a woman?!". I mean, this is a movie universe where a bunch of saggy middle-aged dudes are kicking ass left and right - how is there surprise that a young and badass female military operative could do the same?

Of course, the actors pull off the whole B-action thing with varying degrees of success. Couture is still totally wooden - and it's weird that he seems to, undortunately, do more talking than ass-kicking in this one. Norris, too, seems like a total blank. I know he was never an acting dynamo, but damn ... the years since Walker: Texas Ranger have not ben kind. Dolph Lundgren - gets some good goofy moments. Willis mostly just squints and looks bemused. Hemsworth is okay, but he doesn't bring quite the gravitas to the table that his brother might have. Stallone has always been best at playing serious, brooding characters - and he does that again here and does a good job of carrying the movie and giving it most of its dramatic weight. But it is a strange contrast to, say, Arnold, who's in walking-quip-machine mode here. Statham is good - he's a better class of actor than a lot of these guys, and he's a funny guy to boot (Crank, anyone?). I'd love to see him do a buddy-movie type thing with Arnold or Stallone ... but here, he doesn't get to do a ton aside from lay the smackdown a bunch. Terry Crews is a scene-stealer - I think it's time for Crews to have his own action movie franchise, actually, because the guy is a.) jacked, b.) charismatic as hell, and b.) hilarious (mildly funny here, but see Idiocracy for further proof).

As for relative unknown Nan Yu, she's pretty decent, holding her own in the action scenes, and getting in some good one-liners. But, in a movie of icons, it would have been cool to have someone of similarly iconic stature to the movie's male leads. Get those rumors of a female-centric Expendables spin-off a-rolling ...

All that said, the true standout in this one has to be JCVD. Here's a guy whose acting skills have actually improved a lot since his Bloodsport days, and who is clearly relishing the role of villain (er, I mean Vilain!) in this one. Van Damme basically owns it in this movie, crafting a loathsome villain who will roundhouse kick a dagger into your chest and then taunt you for being a pansy. Van Damme is the best part of EX2, and I only wish that the movie gave him more screentime. While his brawler-vs.-martial artist faceoff with Stallone is pretty sweet, there are some true dream matchups that could have been ... Van Damme vs. Li? Van Damme vs. Schwarzenegger?! Man, there was some crazy potential there for ownage.

The Expendables 2 has plenty of groan-worthy moments, but it's also got more than enough awesome - or so-bad-they're-awesome - moments that yeah, if you're an action movie fan, it's an entertaining must-see. It's easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer nerd-out factor of seeing so many icons together on-screen (and the movie is none-too-subtle about playing up the icon-factor). This is unquestionably better than the first movie - but I just think any future installments need to find the right balance of self-aware campiness and legit awesomeness. If there is indeed an Expendables 3, I want it to be not just an amusing nostalgia-trip, but a legit action-movie classic on-par with Predator, Rambo, et. all. For now, I can appreciate that while this one is a bit of a mess, it's also got enough badassery to be a fitting end-of-summer ride.

My Grade: B